Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
