Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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