i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
