Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
