I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
