We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
