Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
