The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
