We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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