if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just pee around me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
