I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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