remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
