I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
