ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
