drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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