I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
