i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
