I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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