remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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