When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
