I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
