I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
