I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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