a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
