I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
