he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
