if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
