I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
