He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
