small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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