she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
