in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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