I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
