Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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