well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
