Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
