He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
