4 words: hood of his car
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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