is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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