I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
