he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
