I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ugly people sure do ruin things
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
