I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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