We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
