What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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