there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Don't make out with my wife yet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
