She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
