Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
