in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
