I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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