dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
