Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
