He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
