Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
