This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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