Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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