Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's shark week go big or go home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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